Day 1

Today felt like day one of a life transition. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, my family and I moved from a home to a condo. The condo is located in my hometown, a city with serious charm: Winter Park, Florida.  I feel in some ways I am being reborn.  Not only did we move physically but there is something bigger going on here, for which time will reveal.  I have moved literally to a new home but I am also in process of an emotional (mind-body-spirit) journey to capture my inner child, my inner strength.

I know what I need to do career wise.  So now I am developing an action plan, checking one item at a time off the list.  And now I am even more aware of the importance of relaxation, and being open to “no plan.”  Sometimes the greatest joys come from “going with the flow, and trusting in the signs.”  Also a visionary has no vision without rest and recuperation.  Isn’t there a quote that says “Life is what happens when you are not watching.”?

Although weeks have passed since our actual move; we did not feel settled into our new place.  There were many, many boxes to unpack, discard, etc…  And we still have a room full of stuff, mostly paperwork to review and discard.  Last night, was the first night our family (mommy, daddy, baby and two dogs) slept through the entire night. WOO HOO!  My energy felt bountiful this morning as if I was being energized by Red Bull.  The irony is that I have never drank a Red Bull nor do I have a desire to do so.  This morning I was eager to do loads of laundry.  That is not my usual.  Olivia and I played in the park, danced to music, ate a popsicle together, and enjoyed giggling.  It seems she is becoming more independent as I found time to check items off my to-do list.  It was a productive and happy day.

Did I mention that I watched GLEE?  I am inspired by most episodes of Glee.  My daughter dances to the music and I continue to muster up creative ideas that swarm in my head.  Who knew that Liv would dance to Britney Spears songs on GLEE?  I took time out tonight to write and to reflect upon meaningful lyrics.  It is very important to me to say what I really want/need to say in my songwriting.  I vow to write lyrics, without fear of others perception of my lyrics.  The lyrics will be truthful and heartfelt.  I think many singers/songwriters sugar coat the writing in order to not offend others.  That was my mistake as well. I wrote many lyrics that only scratched at the surface of my real feelings.  It is time to really say I what I feel.

Change it up!

Yesterday I decided to drive a different route on my way home from picking up our daughter from school.  Usually I go the same way to and from her school.  Many of us take the same road to work, school and home.  It is routine and we become accustomed to following this routine.  Have you ever been mindful by deciding to change-up a routine you have during the day/week?

I often switch my watch from wearing it on the left to sporting it on the right wrist.  In the past, I had worn my watch solely on the left wrist.  However while I was attending grad school, I went to a workshop that changed my view on life.  During this workshop, the speaker said that it is healthy for our minds, both hemispheres, to process information from each side.  So if you wear your watch on both sides of the body, it is supportive to a more balanced brain, so to speak.  This is of course in laymen’s terms, as the presenter had a more eloquent and scientific way of explaining.  Another example of changing it up is our food choices.  Some people will change their food consumption, which makes an impact on their day.  Perhaps today you will choose to juice vegetables at lunch rather than eat your usual sub. Or perhaps, you will plan to take a day off of work as a wellness day, a day just for YOU, to do whatever YOU want to do.  Changing it up, can be so powerful.

So why do people hesitate to make a change?  Fears, loss, insecurities, anxiety, safety, comfort, security are all words that come to my mind.  Sometimes a change is worth taking.  And how are we to know if we don’t take the chance?  Of course there are risks and changes which are unhealthy in the choosing.  But if you know in your gut that something is right, then go for it.  What is holding you back?  Is it money or your beliefs about money?  If so, look at those beliefs.  And see what you can do to change your views or to make better choices in your life.  We have more power than we know or can possibly understand.  Science is just beginning to explore the potential of our brains, which means we have power beyond which we can see or understand.

As the great Albert Einstein once said ” The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking.  It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

I will leave you with these thoughts today.  I need a change from glaring at this computer right now.  So I am choosing to change what I am doing.  You can make choices on both a small and grand scale to do something different in your day or week.  What will you choose to do today?

Imagine the possibilities! Bring them to you!

It dawned on me the other day that I am now being more mindful.  I’d often say “When this happens…then I will be able to…”  How often do you find yourself saying the same thing?  One day when I find _____ then I will find success.  As if success follows us.  Really it is the opposite way around.  We need to bring success to us.  There is unlimited potential in all of us.  The reason we feel stuck or blocked is because of messages we hear which do not serve us well.  It is our job to change the way we perceive these messages and/or to filter out the ones that do not support our truth.

If your dream seems distant, why is that?  What can you do to bring your dream/vision to YOU?  If you are an artist who loves to paint but feel there is no place for your work.  Or a mother who wants desperately to pursue a career from a hobby.  What is holding you back?  Sometimes it takes looking at the big picture and then breaking down the larger goal, into clear concrete ones.  And maybe instead of looking, you need to surrender.

I have learned that surrendering, rather than trying to control the path of life is key.  To surrender is to give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion.  For example, someone who is grieving loss of a loved one; surrenders oneself to grief process.  So what if you surrendered yourself to faith and belief.  If we push too hard, it leaves little room for reflection and play.  Personally, I have found that when I surrender; the answers come more naturally.  I also feel it takes faith in yourself and in something greater than yourself.  But most importantly there needs to be conviction that no matter what people think about you, or what beliefs you have absorbed from others as your own; the fact remains that this dream is your love, your passion, your life.  No one can take that from you!

There is a quote from the book “The Power” by Rhonda Byrne ” As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.” (Wingate Paine, Author and Photographer)

Love is at the heart of it all.  If there is an opportunity somewhere, and it feels right; you can find a way to make it work!  If it does not feel right, do not!  Trust in the gut!  And thus, I will leave you with another quote.  Can you tell I am a fan of inspirational quotations?

“Live today.  Not yesterday.  Not tomorrow.  Just today.  Inhabit your moments.  Don’t rent them out to tomorrow.”

Jerry Spinelli, Children’s Author

Manipulator (New Lyrics)

I began writing this song in 2009 and am now finalizing the lyrics.  I’m the type of songwriter that tends to write the sappy love songs and the moody ballads.  It comes naturally! But I promised myself one of these days I will write an uptempo song.  For now, I want to share with the world a new song called “Manipulator” which will be a mildly uptempo yet moody song.  The artist Evanescence was in mind, in writing this song.  The melody and arrangement are not complete but the lyrics are just about there.  It feels good to release this song to the web.  I will let the lyrics speak for themselves.  So thankful that I can now look back at a very painful time with understanding and love.  Sometimes the sweetest revenge is none at all.  Just releasing feelings with lyric writing is what it takes.  Can you tell I am also a counselor?

Manipulator (2009)

VERSE

I was the scapegoat in your projection of lies

You thought I’d look like the jerk

So you were bigger in their eyes

You finally felt the love that I once knew

Because you took my heart and ripped it in two

What you thought you had was temporary,

But I was always there for you…

That’s why I can say

CHORUS

You are a selfish manipulator

How did I turn my hate from anger to happiness?

I know I don’t deserve the mess you left

And you no longer have power over me

Because I’ve released your grip

It was only strong as I let it be

VERSE 

You were the victim, of your deceitful games

It became clearer to me

You had a pattern of blame and shame

After all the time we shared, you don’t have a clue

But I’ll never look back and wish to be friends with you

Like your fake smile when you passed the hallway

But I never really knew the real you

But this is true

CHORUS

You are a selfish manipulator

How did I turn my hate from anger to happiness?

I know I didn’t deserve the mess you left

And you no longer have power over me

Because I’ve released your grip

It was only strong if I let it be

PRE CHORUS

There were empty apologies

When I spoke the truth, there was disbelief

Afraid to love, you ran away and couldn’t see

That I was really there to stay

REPEAT CHORUS 

A Giving Hand

 

There was once a child, a someone, a fighter

An innocence…a survivor..and then a giving hand

A child became a teenager

Confusion..emotions flying high…tensions

And then a giving hand 

A teen captures the will to go on

To love again, not anyone

But someone……herself

She grows up….a woman

Now she loves someone else…heartbreak

Emotions rise to their peak…..

She loses her someone and herself

And then a giving hand

Finds that someone again 

Herself

This time embraces the self

A lover…true love

And then a giving hand 

An open heart, an open mind, an open spirit

Two hearts become one

But she knows, she will always be her someone

And then a giving hand

A mother….she loves someone like never before

A love she never knew she had

A child…a new someone who learns 

A giving hand

 

The VOICE Audition

So I decided to live in the moment.  I chose to shoot my audition on DVD for The Voice television show.  This happened last week.  Little did I know that with a 7 month old baby–the process of singing and taping two songs, would take literally every spare moment for one whole week.  It was all worth it though, regardless of whether or not I am chosen for the show.  My baby watched me sing my way to “the top” all week long.  She is singing before talking and looks at me adoringly when I sing lullabies to her.  There is one thing I am very sure of.  It is that nothing is for certain in life.  “Carpe Diem” as many will say! When I heard about these auditions for The Voice; my mind wanted to say, “hold off until next year, you have a new baby and so much going on right now.”  But my heart beat to a different drum saying, ” Just go for it.  Tommorow is not certain for anyone.  Time is of essence. If you don’t make it this year, try again the next.”   For me it was about character building, and confidence building.   I guess I will say that a whole week of multitasking, working, caring for my sweet baby and filming the audition DVD was worth it… Lets just say that week must have been preparing me for the possibility of what is to come.  If chosen, I realize that there will be an intense commitment.  At the end of the day, I just want my baby to be proud and see her momma as a role model.  I will always follow my dreams and want the same for her.  And on that note, I think I hear her waking from her nap…until next time…goodbye.

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